What an awkward thrill, yet guilty reflex, to receive this
honor. I was extremely surprised as I walked into a room filled with a few
departments, I knew something must be going on. Then when all eyes sprung to me
and my boss pulled out a paper the edges of my mouth started to tick and my
eyes started sprinting around the room not sure where to stop. It is always a
relief to know that others see your hard work, but once they acknowledge it for
me, the relief turns to guilt.
I immediately started remembering the hour and a half lunch
break I took last week, and that mistake I made on a recent project, and the
times I’ve checked my Facebook during work hours. All my mistakes and moments
of slacking come to the surface as I try to fight through the muck as my boss
is validating and complimenting the ways I have contributed to the team.
Team…yes team, so many people on our team, is management
sure I deserve this achievement more than anyone else? Will anyone become
resentful? Does anyone think I don’t deserve it? How can I thank everyone for
giving this to me?
Don’t get me wrong I love compliments, but I am hard on
myself so if you give me a compliment I take that as a challenge. Now not only
do I have to live up to that compliment, I have to do BETTER than the compliment
you just gave me…
And now since I’m parked right in the front I feel obligated
to come to work a little early, stay a little later, and make sure I’m living
up to the praises others said I contributed. The pressure is now greater, that
I place on myself, even though the thanks was for my hard work, I feel as if I
need to work harder.
As I keep striving to be the best person I can be, in that
process I let myself down continuously. I also reward myself, guilt myself,
confuse myself, and doubt myself. Thank you SLD employees for your shown
appreciation to all of my successes and failures, I take the achievement
humbly, and am loving the reserved parking spot so close to the entrance during
these cold temperatures!
Hailey Schultz
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